Yesterday it was suggested that I do some research on some of my practices and opinions when it comes to raising Clayton. I can appreciate this recommendation. Children are ever changing and developing, as should be my methods and practices. I am thankful for respectful advice from others even if I don't always agree. I never know when that advice will come in handy along this journey. I very much respect that others have opinions that may be different from my own. With that being said, there are a few genuine questions that I have about "Cry it out" in effort to do the suggested research.
Let me preface this with two things....
1) I am not writing this as a public forum to bash others that may be for or against "CIO". It is my hope to receive only respectful opinions or advice. I don't wish for myself or others to be hurt in the process of my inquiry.
2) Let me paint a picture of what "CIO" looks like in my house. First off, Clayton rarely cries in general. He sometimes has a quiet fuss or whine. We have a 10 minute rule when it comes to Clayton crying himself to sleep. We only started this in the last couple of weeks when we moved him to his own crib. In the past 2 weeks, I think I can count on one hand the number of times that I have actually had to set my mental 10 minute timer. Of that handful of times, I think he has only made it to the 10 minute cutoff 2 times. On a typical night, he has usually stopped crying by the time I can walk down the stairs. I have tried rocking him to sleep fully but he is wide awake the minute he hits the crib and we start all over. We have found that if we put him down sleepy and sometimes a little fussy, he falls asleep much easier.
So with those two things in mind, on to my questions....
Riding in the car is pretty hit or miss with Clayton. There are days when he loves it and there are days that he cries until we get where we are going. I don't put him in the car with out being fed and changed, etc. so I know his basic needs are met. For people who do not believe in crying it out, what do if your child is crying on a car ride? There are times that I am driving some place that could potentially mean Clay crying longer than our night time 10 minute rule. Do people that are against CIO pull over on the side of the road and comfort their children, do you go home, do you let them cry it out until you get where you are going? If you pull over or go home, how do you ever get anywhere or get things done? If you let them keep crying until you get there, how is crying for 20 minutes on the way to the grocery store different than letting them cry themselves to sleep at night?
This is a question that I have been curious about since the first time we put Clayton in the car. I never felt comfortable asking on FB because controversial topics tend to become a comment war and feelings get hurts. Maybe this is a better way to ask my questions since you can remain anonymous if you choose.
So again, I welcome respectful comments. We are all adults so I would hope that noone would take this as an opportunity to put others down for their opinions. I am simply curious as to what the recommendation would be for a car ride with a crying baby if people believe that CIO isn't the best practice. I can not confirm or deny that the answers would lead me to change my opinion but perhaps someone might have some feedback that would be helpful to me as we are on the go a lot. A car ride is just not something Clayton can avoid.
There is no avoiding him crying in the car and its good for him to cry so that he learns to soothe himself. We let Colten cry for at least 15 minutes before we go pick him up, and like you said he rarely makes it to that time limit because he falls asleep. A baby that learns to soothe himself to sleep will have better sleeping habits when they are older. So let him cry it out at home or in the car. He can have all the love and hugs and kisses in the world when he is awake :)
ReplyDeleteI do not believe in CIO until it is necessary as an absolute last resort and even then when they are much older babies. But I thought about your car ride point several times when mine were young itty bitty babes. How is it different? Well in the car, you are still there with them. They know you are there, you talk to them, they can smell you, etc. When you do CIO at bedtime, when they are still very young, I really think they feel abandoned. They simply dont understand what is going on. You are not there to comfort, to talk, to soothe like you are in the car. I believe there is a difference. And I believe CIO has its place, but when they are older and they can understand. We did a modified CIO approach at 6 months. We went in every 5 min, 10 min, 15 min, etc.
ReplyDeleteThank you both for your comments. I really appreciate the feedback and points of view :)
ReplyDeleteI think every parent and baby have to develop their own system. Some babies are naturally more independent than others. Of course it's taken me having 3 to realize this. It sounds as if Clayton is responding well to falling asleep on his own. As far as the car rides go, the crying won't hurt him as long as you know he's not hungry and his diaper's been changed. He could simply just want to be held or played with. My first loved car rides and the second two didn't. I co-slept with my first, sleep trained my second at 5 months, and have tried to let my last cry it out some, but she only gets worse and it leads to her crying and being inconsolable for an hour even after I pick her back up- that was last night's adventure. She will probably end up sleeping with us for awhile. You are his mom. Do what you think is right and don't feel pressured to do any more or any less.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea. Natalie has always liked car rides. She actually usually falls right asleep. I think there are some babies that just hate the car, but I think if I was in that position I would try to figure out something if the baby was crying for more than 10 minutes straight. I think most people that are against cry it out, obviously don't like their baby crying, but they are more against the crying yourself to sleep mentality, so crying in the car wouldn't be the same. Also, in my experience, Natalie would wake up crying because she was hungry and wanted to be fed. So, if she was crying in the car at that age, usually she was hungry or had a dirty diaper. So, I would try to find the reason most likely.
ReplyDeleteThank God Michael likes the car. I have drove over 6 1/2 hours by myself with him and we survived. Also, thank God I have extremely long arms. I can actually reach my arm back to touch his/give him his paci or his bottle while driving safely. That is really the only way I have avoided pulling over on a regular basis. I do not believe in CIO for children under a 6 months old based on research that I have done personally(if you want any links to the scientific journals let me know). I actually have never let Michael cry longer than a couple of minutes because I cannot take it myself (obviously I know at 13 months it is not going to do any damage to allow him to fuss/cry it out for 10 minutes but just haven't been able to yet). We are going to move to this method in the next month. I know it will be a difficult process getting him sleep trained this late in the game but I'm finally ready and feel that he is old enough to cry for 10-15 minutes to see if he can put himself to sleep. Honestly I really think there is no right or wrong answer.
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